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Jamie Gibbs

6 types of drivers you always see at a car park

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Car park archetypes

It helps if you read this in David Attenborough’s voice.

With all that goes on in a busy car park, you’d be forgiven for thinking that it’s basically a zoo. And, given the behaviour of some drivers, you’d not be far wrong.

Here are some of the most common creatures you’re likely to encounter when parking your car.

Car park vultures

 

The vulture

You’ll often see these drivers circling the tarmac without ever seeming to find a space.

That’s because they have their eyes on a particular spot and they’ll make sure they get it. 

Once their keen senses alert them to a car about to leave a space, they pounce. Some vultures will even follow prey that’s still walking to the car.

 
Car park seagull

The seagull

Often overlooked by most, these patient drivers know how the game works. The seagull lies in wait, paying no mind to anyone.

That is until you’re about to creep into a space. Suddenly, and seemingly from nowhere, they descend quicker than if you held a bag of chips.

Before you’ve realised what’s happened, they’ve claimed your spot as their own. Sharp reflexes are needed to come out of an encounter with a seagull unscathed.

Car park elephant

The elephant

Cars are definitely getting bigger. In fact, some are so big that they can’t possibly squeeze into a single space.

You’ll recognise the car of the elephant instantly – it towers over nearby motors and can be seen from the other end of the car park.

When it can’t muscle its way in, the elephant will sometimes straddle the line between spaces, taking two for itself. Occasionally, the biggest of the elephants will even park sideways across multiple spaces.

Chameleon

The chameleon

The changeling squatters of the car park kingdom. 

These drivers aren’t content with the spaces offered to most. Instead, they hide in plain sight and plonk themselves into spaces reserved for less-abled and family drivers. 

They know these spaces don’t belong to them and yet they do it regardless. Caution is advised, as confronting the chameleon about its behaviour can lead to unpleasantness.


 
Peacock car park

The peacock

No one is quite sure if the peacock ever actually intends to find a parking space. Instead, they circle the car park in the hope of attracting a mate.

The peacock comes in a variety of plumage. Most tend to have a souped-up engine, a wealth of modifications and a paint job that’ll give you headaches.

They often travel in packs at night and compete to see who can do the sickest wheelspins.

 
Cat car park

The cat

You’d be forgiven for missing the cat at first. These inconspicuous creatures are so small that they’re able to tuck themselves into the farthest crevices of the parking space.

In all the hurly-burly of a car park at rush hour, the cat can curl up and become almost invisible. Some unwary drivers will see the leftover space as an open invitation to park.

Anyone who realises too late that the space is occupied will be met with the ear-piercing shriek of the cat’s alarm.

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