The zombie apocalypse is already upon us. Social media has turned many of us into drones. We've checked out of the real world to obsessively, compulsively, and often unwittingly check our various accounts. Have you seen one of these social media zombies walking among us?
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It’s scary, but it’s true: The zombie apocalypse is already upon us. Social media has turned many of us into drones. We’ve checked out of the real world to obsessively, compulsively, and often unwittingly check our various accounts. Have you seen one of these social media zombies walking among us?
The Baby-Obsessed Zombie
This zombie can’t stop compulsively posting statuses about their child.
Terrifying ultrasound profile photos
Barrage of requests to vote for their baby in creepy infant photo contests
Constant references to child’s sidekick Sophie the Giraffe
Feeds On: The lifeblood of their childless, unmarried friends.
The Check-In Zombie
The easiest zombie to elude, this one always lets you know where they’re at.
Checks in at “Zombieland”
Checks in at “The Most Comfortable Bed in the World”
Checks in at “Right Behind You”
Feeds On: Tagging friends who refuse to check in to places.
The Inner Dialogue Zombie
This one can’t help but express every single thought that enters their brain.
“Where is everyone?”
“Did my face always look like this?”
Feeds On: The minutia of everyday life.
The Foodie Zombie
These zombies run in packs and linger around hip food trucks and new gastropubs.
Mindlessly document every meal and beverage
Sits silently in restaurants, entranced by their smartphone
Not satisfied by a meal until it’s liked by at least 5 followers
Feeds On: Double-digit likes on their brunch pics.
The Foot Photo Fetish Zombie
These zombies compulsively set up the perfect vista shot to show you where their feet have been.
Frequent falls and runs into things due to constant downward gaze
Fancy footwear ready for a photo op
Never far from a hammock, ottoman, or chaise set up for a shot
Feeds On: Groupons for cheap pedicures.
The Zombie Bride
This zombie can’t stop pinning over-the-top favor ideas, save-the-date designs, and color palettes.
Covered in chalkboard paint
Armed with a hot glue gun and broken mason jars
Shrieks when they spot a new hair tutorial
Feeds On: Cake tasters and the mediocre nuptials of couples who married before Pinterest.
The Mini-Me Zombie
This zombie compulsively seeks out and pins anything miniaturized.
Never seen out without mini muffin pans
Tries to shrink everything in sight
Followed around by a mini horse and miniature Poodle
Feeds On: Mini quiches, bite-size caprese salads, and gazpacho shots.
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