Want to know Confused.com's top dating tips? The best tip we have is: avoid! If these dating disasters are anything to go by, maybe it’s better not to take a dip in the perilous waters of courtship.
Here are some tried and tested dating tips – and proof that even they can fail. Sometimes spectacularly.
The poor old Confused.com team have lived through these bad dates, so you don’t have to.
They have chosen to remain anonymous.
One member of the team who's into internet dating tells us, "This one guy I met looked nothing like his profile picture, which is a bad start.
"He asked if I’d already eaten, and I had. So I had to watch him eat, which is always good.
"Then he told me that when he got drunk, he often took off all his clothes in public. Or wet the bed.
"At this point I had to use my emergency bail-out phone call."
Be proud of your date
Unless a polyamorous scenario is explicitly consented to beforehand, dates are really intended for two.
As one of the Confused.com team can attest: "On a first date, the guy's mates turned up and joined us. They were drunk and one of them hit on me."
Actually, this particular Miss X should probably avoid first dates at all costs.
"On another first date, the guy kept making a weird 'Hmmmmmm' high-pitched sound at the end of every sentence."
If that sounds like something you’d do, you might want to keep it for a few dates down the line.
Going to the fair will set pulses racing
A member of staff says: "I went to the fair, and on the big wheel I was sick on the head of the fittest boy I knew.
"It's a shame, as I very much wanted him as my Valentine.
"As you can probably tell, I was very young at the time."
Do something original
Another member of our team tells us, "I had a date with this guy in Edinburgh and he suggested we spend the night up at Arthur's Seat.
"So we set up camp and got a fire going. It seemed like a really nice thing to do.
"Except it can get really cold up in Scotland. At about one in the morning, we were so cold we thought we were going to die.
"And our fire was going out so we had to take it in turns wandering around – in the pitch black – trying to find firewood. We also convinced ourselves that we were going to get murdered."
Write her a poem
Miss X is back!
She says: "When I was 16, I snogged a guy and then said I didn't want to date him.
"He was annoyed, and then wrote a poem that featured this line: 'Mistress of pain, I'm just another pawn in your cruel game'."
Go to the zoo
One young lady says: "We arranged to go to Bristol Zoo for our first date. Except he'd forgotten his wallet so I had to pay for everything.
"He never paid me back. But I didn't mind because he was minging and I didn't want to see him again. He had a really weird chin."
Keep it simple – dinner and drinks
One member of staff told us: "This guy asked me out for dinner and drinks. Which sounds fine.
"Except drinks were at his local pub, where he met up with a mate of his who'd just split up with his girlfriend. So he spent about an hour pouring venom.
"Then dinner was a takeaway which we took to eat at his house - where he lived with his parents.
"On the way there he felt the call of nature. So he just went in a bush right in front of me. Then he was offended when I didn't hold his hand on the walk back.
"That was our first and only date."
Tell us your dating disasters
We'd like to hear about your worst date.
Visit our Facebook competition page to tell us, or tweet using the hashtag #MyWorstDate, and you could be in with a chance of winning a great 'singleton’s hamper'*.
The hamper comprises of a year's subscription to Netflix, a popcorn maker, wine, chocolate, some top rom-com DVDs, and £50 Love2Shop vouchers. Who wouldn't want that?
Competition closes at a minute to midnight on Valentine's Day.
*See Dating Disasters competition terms and conditions.